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Co-parenting with someone who won't stick to the schedule

TottenhamTara · Member568 views5 replies
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TottenhamTara

Member

Link to post #2834

Separated 18 months ago. We have a written agreement, not through court, just between us. He has the kids every other weekend and Wednesday nights.

In practice he cancels about one in three weekends, usually on the Friday afternoon by text. The kids have their bags packed and then it's off. My eldest (8) has started saying "is daddy actually coming" every time and it breaks my heart.

I don't want to go to court. I don't want to bad mouth him. But I can't keep being the one who picks up the pieces. What have people done?

weekend_dad_jay

Member

Link to post #2835

As a dad who does every other weekend: there's honestly no excuse for regular Friday cancellations. I've driven in from Watford with a temperature rather than let mine down.

Have you tried one of the co-parenting apps where everything is logged? It changed how my ex and I communicate, everything is in writing, no he said she said. If he sees his own cancellations written down it might land.

CroydonCass

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Link to post #2836

I stopped telling mine until he actually turned up. Sounds harsh but it saved a lot of tears. If he's there, surprise, it's a daddy weekend. If not, they never knew to be disappointed.

Gosia.W

Member

Link to post #2837

Mediation might be worth it even if you don't want court. A neutral person in the room sometimes makes people realise how it looks. Some places offer a free first session (MIAM) and there are vouchers available.

fern_and_fox

Member

Link to post #2838

My only caution with not telling the kids is that eventually they get older and figure it out, and some kids feel lied to. My eldest found out at 11 that her dad had cancelled loads of times and was furious with both of us.

No perfect answer. Sorry you're dealing with this.

TottenhamTara

Member

Link to post #2839

Thanks all. Going to suggest the app, and I've booked the info session for mediation. Cass, I might try your approach in the short term for the little one at least, she's only five.

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