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Starting our first round next month and I'm going back and forth about whether to tell work.
I work in a fairly small team in the City. My manager is fine but not exactly someone I'd confide in. I'm worried that if I tell her and it works, she'll be mentally planning my maternity cover before I've even had a scan. And if it doesn't work, everyone knows.
But I also can't keep disappearing for 8am scans without saying something. What did you do?
My wife told her manager only that she had "a series of medical appointments over the next few weeks" and left it at that. They didn't push. She only explained more once she was pregnant.
From my side, I told my boss straight out because I wanted to be at egg collection and transfer. He was surprisingly decent about it.
I told HR, not my manager. HR were bound to keep it confidential and could just tell my manager I had approved medical leave. Worked well for me.
i told my whole team and honestly regretted it. not because anyone was horrible but because every monday someone would ask "any news??" with a hopeful face. when it failed i had to tell like six people. second round i kept it to myself.
Worth knowing that once you're pregnant you have protection, but the treatment phase itself is a bit of a grey area for employment rights. Not to scare you, just to say keep a record of what you tell people and when.
Most employers are reasonable. But it's your information to share, you don't owe anyone the full story.
This is really helpful, thank you. I think I'll go the HR route that Daria suggested. Sienna, that's exactly what I was worried about, the hopeful Monday faces. Will update when we're through it.
One thing on the HR route: ask them exactly what will be written on the absence record. Mine put "fertility treatment" on a system my manager could see. Not malicious, just careless. Ask them to log it as medical appointments.
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