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I've never written anything like this before. My daughter is 8 months old. I love her. I'd do anything for her. But I don't enjoy it. Most days I'm counting down the hours until my husband gets home and then I feel awful for wanting him to take her.
Everyone said it'd be the best thing that ever happened to me. I keep waiting for it to feel that way. I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me.
Thank you for saying it here. You're not a bad mum. What you're describing is something lots of people feel and very few say.
Please speak to your GP or health visitor about how you're feeling. Postnatal depression can show up as flatness and lack of enjoyment rather than constant crying, and it can start any time in the first year. There's a lot of help available and it does get better.
PANDAS Foundation have a helpline and online support groups for exactly this. I found it so much easier to say things to people who'd been through it. I felt the same as you with my first and had treatment for PND. My son is five now and I genuinely enjoy him. It came back.
I didn't enjoy the baby stage at all. I loved my kids so much more once they could talk to me. Both can be true: there's something wrong and you need support, or you might just not be a baby person. A GP can help figure out which.
If you ever find yourself in a really dark place, please call Samaritans on 116 123, they're free and there 24/7. Or if you think you or baby are at risk, A&E or 999.
Sending you a lot of love. You've taken a brave step posting this.
I've just read all these with my daughter asleep on me and I'm crying. I'll call the health visitor tomorrow. Thank you. I didn't think anyone would get it.
We get it. Come back and let us know how it goes, any time.
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