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I follow all the accounts. I validate feelings. I get down on their level. I name the emotion. And yesterday at 5.30pm when my four year old threw a cup of milk across the kitchen for the third time I shouted so loudly the neighbours probably heard.
I feel like I'm failing at the one thing I said I'd do differently from my parents. Does anyone actually manage this all the time, or are we all just pretending online?
Nobody manages it all the time. The accounts you follow are posting their best 60 seconds, filmed after the fact, possibly with a script.
The important bit is the repair. Did you go back afterwards, say sorry for shouting, and talk about it? That's the gentle parenting. Not never losing it.
I think the online version of gentle parenting has drifted into "permissive parenting with nice words". Boundaries are part of it. A thrown cup of milk can absolutely mean the cup goes away and he has water in a beaker until tomorrow. Calm, firm, done.
Also 5.30pm is witching hour. Nobody is at their best.
Feed them earlier. Half our 5.30pm meltdowns stopped when we moved tea to 4.45. Not a philosophy thing, just blood sugar, theirs and mine.
I did go back and apologise and we had a cuddle. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. The beaker idea is good, and I'll try earlier tea.
You noticed, you repaired, you came here to think about it. You're doing far better than you feel you are.
The research people are always quoting about repair is actually really reassuring. Kids don't need a parent who never gets it wrong. They need one who gets it wrong and comes back. If anything, seeing you apologise teaches them more than seeing you being perfectly calm ever would.
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