Sort posts
My partner's son is 12. I've been around for two years, moved in eight months ago. He tells me regularly that he hates me, that I'm not his dad, and that his mum was happier before me.
I've never tried to replace his dad. I don't discipline him, I leave that to his mum. I try to be kind and stay out of the way. But it wears you down, and sometimes I find myself not wanting to come home.
Other stepparents, does it get better?
Stepmum of 9 years here. It got better for us around 15. Before that it was a lot of what you're describing. What helped: never taking the bait, finding one small thing we had in common (it was Arsenal), and having time alone with my partner that he couldn't sabotage.
You're doing the right thing by not disciplining. Keep going.
From the kid's side: I was that 12 year old with a stepdad. I said awful things. Looking back, it wasn't about him at all, it was about my parents splitting and feeling like I couldn't say any of it to my mum. He was the safe person to be angry at.
He's now someone I'd call in an emergency. Don't give up.
Has his mum spoken to him about what he says to you? It shouldn't fall on you to absorb it all. She can acknowledge his feelings and still say it's not okay to talk to you like that.
Family therapy might help if it's possible. Some councils offer it through early help services, worth asking his school.
justanotheraunty, I read your reply about five times. Thank you. Fiona, I'll find our Arsenal. Might be FIFA, he's obsessed.
FIFA is a great Arsenal. Let him beat you. Then don't.
Stepmum here, three years in. One thing that helped us was just being dependable in boring ways. Turning up to things, remembering what he liked for tea, not making a big deal of it. Kids watch whether you stick around when they're being awful. Most of them are testing that.
Log in to replyGuests can’t post on the forum — signing up takes a minute.
