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Married 9 years, two children (4 and 7). I realised last week that every conversation with my husband is: who picks up, what's for dinner, did you pay the council tax, the boiler is making the noise again.
We are not fighting. We are a very good team actually. But I can't remember the last time we talked about something that wasn't a job.
Is this just the stage of life and it comes back? Or is it something we have to fix?
Both, I think. My wife said almost exactly this to me two years ago. It comes back a bit as the kids get older but we also had to make it come back. One evening a week, phones in the kitchen, and we're not allowed to talk about the house or the kids. First few times were awkward. Now it's my favourite night.
Ask him a question you don't know the answer to. Literally anything. What he wanted to be at 15. What he'd do with a free Tuesday. We got stuck because we thought we already knew everything about each other.
Slight disagreement - being a good team in the trenches is underrated. Plenty of couples are fighting about all of it. Don't let the internet tell you every marriage needs date nights to be healthy. But if YOU miss it, then yes, tell him.
This really resonated with me. Being a good team is a real strength, and it makes sense that the everyday jobs can take over for a while. I liked the idea of asking a question you do not already know the answer to, just to open up a different kind of conversation. Even a short, relaxed chat with no job attached can help you remember each other outside the routine. I hope you find a little space for that again soon.
We started walking to the shop together on Sunday mornings while the kids watch TV. Twenty minutes. That's where the non-logistics chat happens now. Low effort, no babysitter needed.
I told him what I wrote here, almost word for word. He laughed and said 'I thought it was only me'. We did camden_carla's question at dinner on Friday after the kids went to bed - he wanted to be a pilot at 15, I never knew this. Small. But it was nice.
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